


Grindlewald and The Army of Rubber Ducks

by WhitePhoenix81



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27096124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitePhoenix81/pseuds/WhitePhoenix81
Summary: Hallucinagenics aren't all they are cracked up to be.This fic is purely crack. In fact, it is so much crack, it's on crack.
Kudos: 1





	Grindlewald and The Army of Rubber Ducks

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or Warner Brothers.

"Welcome everyone to a new year at Hogwarts School, of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Before we begin with the Opening Feast, let us all give a big hand to Mr. Harry Potter, who had defeated Voldemort, last June." Dumbledore says, to thunderous applause. "Now, let the feast begin." 

Food appears on the tables, and everyone digs in.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Harry, Ron and Hermione, who are entering their 6th year at Hogwarts, have just tucked into their dinner.

"Hey Harry," Seamus says as he leans over, shame faced, "look mate, I'm sorry about not believing you last year. I was a right arse. I'll understand if you don't want to forgive me. But, can we at least try to start over?"

Harry gives Seamus a long hard stare. Making Seamus go from nervous, to pins-n-needles-uncomfortable.

Harry then, ever so slowly, extends his hand. "So long as you never accuse me of being a liar again."

Seamus spends a nanosecond considering Harry ultimatum, before he reaches his hand out, and shakes Harry's hand. "Deal."

❕❕❕❕❕

By some miracle, Harry had been able to make it all the way to dessert, without anyone asking about what happened at the Ministry.

Harry has just scooped up some pudding to put on his plate, when he hears, "So Harry, what was it like to finally kill your parents murderer once and for all?"

Harry gives a DEEP sigh, puts his pudding on his plate and slowly turns in his seat to look at 4th year Dennis Creevey.

"The look on his face when he realized that he was killed by an army of rubber ducks, was priceless." 

Dennis looks at Harry in awe, then turns back to his brother. As they put their heads together, whispering.

Harry turns back to his pudding, and gets his first spoonful halfway to his mouth, "Did you really?"

Harry looks up to see Dean Thomas looking at him in confusion. 

"Did I what?" Harry asked.

"Did you really kill, Vol-" Dean clears his throat. He's still not completely comfortable saying the name. "Voldemort, with an army of rubber ducks?" 

Harry puts his spoon down, and looks Dean in the eyes, with a very Sirius look on his face. "In truth, the ducks were just a distraction. What really killed him was the heart attack."

"He got a heart attack from seeing a bunch of rubber ducks?"Dean asks.

"No." Harry says. "He got the heart attack, from seeing Dumbledore and Fudge frolicking in the atrium, stark naked."

"Dumbledore and Fudge were naked?!" Dean proclaimed. Causing everyone to look between Dean and Dumbledore. The looks ranged from, confusion to horror.

"No they weren't naked." Hermione says in exasperation, giving Harry a look of, 'stop it.'

"Ah, but Voldemort didn't know that." Harry says. As if that explains everything.

"Wait. If Dumbledore and Fudge weren't actually naked," shudder, "then why would he think that they were?" Lavender butted in.

Harry waved her closer, as if he was going to tell her a big juicy secret. 

Once she had leaned in close enough, he whispered, "...Magic." Harry says. 

Lavender, being the airhead ditz that she is, accepted his answer, and happily went back to her tart. Fitting. A tart, for a tart.

Neville looked at Harry, "No really, why did he think that they were naked?" He asked, as Neville had been out of commission by this point.

"The truth isn't as exciting as it seems." Harry shrugs. "Before we left for the Ministry, I had stolen a potion from Snape's stores. It was a very powerful hallucinogen. That you could set, to give you a certain hallucination. I threw it at his feet."

"Why would you pre set it to that?" Dean asked in disgust.

Harry looks Dean in the eyes and says, "I didn't."

"What?" 

"I didn't set the potion. It was already set." 

"Okaaaaaaaaay…" Dean says, "Second question, how did you know what he saw?"

"It was a VERY POWERFUL potion. When I threw it at his feet, I was standing 3 feet away." Harry says all this, with the most traumatized look on his face.

Everyone looked at him in horror, and pity. 

Seamus reaches over and places his hand on Harry's shoulder, "Oh, you poor, poor man. Do you need an obliviate?"

Harry looks at him, with the most pleading, most desperate look on his face, "Please…" 

"Wait, you said that the potion was already pre set. And that you got it from Snape's Stores. You guys don't think that…?" Ron cuts in.

"Don't even go there!" Harry shudders.

As the deserts disappeared, no one was eating anymore - they had all lost their appetite - Dumbledore stands up to give his last few announcements, to his green faced students.

"Now, Mr. Filch has asked me to remind you all, that the Forbidden Forest is as its name suggests, Forbidden. And that the products from WWW have been added-" Dumbledore never gets to finish his announcements.

The doors to the Great Hall open to reveal one Gellert Grindlewald marching through the doors.

"It is I, the most feared Dark Lord Gellert Grindlewald! And I have come to-"

Harry had stood up as soon as Grindlewald had began to speak, reached into his pocket and pulls out the other vial of hallucinogenic potion that he had stolen from Snape's stores the previous June - hey you never know when a dark lord was going to show up, you need to be ready - and throws it at Grindlewald's feet. As the entire hall gets enveloped in this cloud, the only thought going through Harry's head at that moment was, 'Forgive me.'

The first years through third years threw up.

The fourth years through fifth years, threw up and cried.

The sixth years through Seventh years threw up, passed out, then when they woke up to realize that it wasn't a horrible nightmare, cried.

The teachers and Harry, squeezed their eyes shut and clamped their hands over their ears.

And Dumbledore, Dumbledore stood there, looking mildly insulted.

Why, you ask? Let's not go there.

But all of this, combined with Grindlewald's old heart, the old man just couldn't take it.

He promptly had a heart attack, and DIED.

After the hallucinogen wore off, every single person in the Great Hall, swore vengeance on Harry. 

And Harry Potter went down in history as the only person to have taken down two Dark Lords, in a single year. He was both revered, and reviled. By the same people no less. Some of which were his friends.

THE END


End file.
